and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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