I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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