I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
