What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
