she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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