I'm lost and stupid without you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
