none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You pole danced in your parka.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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