I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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