At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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