the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
