I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
