your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
