My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
