I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
