I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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