Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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