I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
