why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
