Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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