dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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