The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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