stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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