3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
