loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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