He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
