Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
