Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
