Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
