No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
