after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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