every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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