i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
