Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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