I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
