i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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