I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
