I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
