I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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