I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
