i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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