It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
