i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
