She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
