Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
