So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
