Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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