Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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