yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
