even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize