I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We don't watch enough power rangers
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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