As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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