Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize