im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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