Can Purell be used as lube?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
