My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
