oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
