Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize