You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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