the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
