My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
