I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
