the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
