I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
