Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
