he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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