Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
