My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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