It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
