I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
