I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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