Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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