tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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