if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
