you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize