3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
