I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
